W CLAIMS GOD AUTHORIZED WIRETAPS
W has apparently argued that the administration needs to stop pushing bogus legal interpretations to justify the illegal
wiretaps of American Citizens. Instead, he said we should tell the truth and tell the American Public that GOD has approved them.
In a recent cabinet meeting, W reasoned that GOD can listen in on any conversation, anytime,
anywhere. So, he spoke to GOD to get DIVINE APPROVAL
for the illegal and unconstitutional wiretaps. Bush told GOD:
Dear God. I am the President of the United States which is the largest and most powerful Christian Nation on earth. I am
closer to YOU than any other Christian Leader except maybe the Pope,
but he doesn’t have an army, stealth fighters, air craft carriers, a nuclear arsenal or hundreds of billions of
dollars to conduct a Holy War. IN YOUR NAME AND FOR THE GLORY OF GOD, I have invaded Iraq - the
center of the Muslim World. There, I am ridding the planet of some of Mohamad’s most dynamic followers and destroying
their mosques. I intend to invade Iran next. GOD, I AM THE NEW CRUSADER and I WILL NOT REST UNTIL
MUSLIMS BOW DOWN BEFORE THE CROSS OF OUR SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST.
Do YOU GOD approve of my use of illegal, unconstitutional wiretaps to listen to a few hundred
thousand conversations so we can remove the INFIDELS from the face of the earth?
And the Lord Said, "YES GEORGE! DO IT NOW!"
Gonzales, Rice, Rumsfeld, General Hayden and Cheney wept. And then they prayed.
Gonzales then pointed out that the wiretap program was on solid theological ground. He personally got the okay from
the Hitler Youth Pope Benedict and Antonin Scalia with W’s pro-Christian, pro-Crusade interpretation. Scalia
noted even though the Constitution of the United States does not mention GOD by name, it is
because the framers intentionally avoided such a reference because they knew that NO COUNTRY
WAS ABOVE GOD’S SUPREME LAW - THE LAW OF THE HOLY ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH.
(Blue Comment: It is well know that the framers avoided the use of the word God because they supported
religious freedom and they felt such a reference was counter to the Constitution itself. Interestingly, Americans also
refused to reference God on the currency until after the Civil War because most agreed it violated the Establishment Clause.)
Hitler Youth Pope Benedict reminded Gonzales how the Roman Catholic Church supported Hitler
by turning its back on the extermination of Jews in Nazi Germany. His Holiness told Gonzales point blank,
"Alberto, my son, I am a Nazi war veteran. The College of Cardinals knew I was a Nazi war veteran.
They selected me pope anyway. The one true Church is behind your crusade 150% to eliminate Muslim heretics!
Rove spoke up,
Your Holiness, Mr. President, this type of talk ain’t goin’ to get you far in them Blue States, but the Bible
Thumpers throughout the nation will rally around their Christian Leader and gladly send their sons and daughters to die for
Christianity. We have to play down the Pope and Scalia angle about Catholism, though, because each protestant
sect actually believes it is the one true church! We also need to Pat Robertson's okay so he can
satisfy them dumb-ass baptists, methodists, and such.
"It is done," said W. "Let us move forth and conquer. Let us bow our heads