I GOT HIM I GOT HIM!
CHENEY SHOOTS FRIEND
IN CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY,
CHENEY THOUGHT HE NAILED OSAMA BIN LADEN!
The White House finally announced that Vice President Cheney accidently shot fellow republican power broker
Harry Whittington in the face and chest while hunting the evasive quail in Texas over the weekend. Mr. Whittington ULTIMATLEY
SURVIVED the shooting even though he suffered a heart attack caused by a piece of bird shot lodged in his atria.
Yes, good old Dick "the Shooter" Cheney left somewhere between 6 to 200 pieces of birdshot in his friend's body. Doctors'
refused to confirm whether the number was closer to 6 or 200 despite the x-rays they took.
The hunting party also included the sultry Swiss Ambassador and Katharine Armstrong, a recent divorcee. Kat's mother,
of course, was on the HALIBURTON BOARD OF DIRECTORS THAT HIRED DICK CHENEY as its CEO so we assume she was on board with
the weekend sleepover. Lynn Cheney was not there and she has remained silent.
Trouble in the Cheney house?
Local authorities tried to talk to the Vice President and even set up an interview with the Vice President
the evening of the incident. The SECRET SERVICE WOULD NOT LET THE POLICE SPEAK TO THE VICE PRESIDENT
THE NIGHT OF THE SHOOTING and until 14 HOURS after the incident which would have been plenty
of time for the VP to sober up. (Cheney has admitted to having drunk beer before the shoot.)
The White House claimed that it was unaware of Dick Cheney's shooting spree until 8PM
Saturday Evening. Interesting, because Karl Rove was walking the hostess, Katharine
Armstrong, through the her "talking points" by 7:30PM Saturday evening. Someone lying at the White House?
Some in republican circles want to blame Cheney's shooting spree on "post-Vietnam
draft dodger trauma."
Psychologist have identified several cases of "Vietnam draft dodger trauma" among conservative
men in their fifties and sixties who supported the Vietnam war, but were afraid to fight it. President Bush
likely also suffers from the disease. The condition drives such "girly men" to kill defenseless animals, people
or to start wars as in the case of President Bush. The disease has also been linked to cross-dressing.
Noted pschycologist, Norman Bates, has found that the sufferers of the disease "overcompensate" for
their supressed guilt that results from "their avoidance of military service while 60,000 of their peers lost their lives."
Others just wish they had killed as many godless communists as they could in Vietnam when instead, they did nothing.
While Cheney seems a likely candidate due to his five deferments from Vietnam War service, many
pschycologists familiar with the disease are skeptical. Importantly,
Vice President Cheney does not seem a likely candidate for "post-draft dodger trauma" because he has never shown any remorse for the
60,000 who died in Vietnam while he avoided service. Psychologists also point out that Cheney apparently has
no remorse whatsoever for sending nearly 2,500 young Americans to their deaths to realize his long-held dream of
Other psychologists agree. "Cheney has shown no remorse for anything he has done.
In fact, Cheney's statement that he had "more important things to do" than fight the war in Vietnam rule
out such a diagnosis," said Bates.
While we here at bringiton are not experts, we wonder if Dick Cheney is just so paranoid
after years of hanging out in "undisclosed locations" that he mistakenly shot Whittington thinking he was Osama
bin Laden? (As seen below, Whittington bears an uncanny resemblance to bin Laden). Was Whittington wearing
a turbin as a practical joke that faithless day of drunken debauchery?
Dick Cheney may be suffering from a profound sense of "paranoia" that led to the shooting of a friend.
Apparently, Cheney turned and fired when his friend approached him from the back. A little edgy there Dick? Could
it be that Cheney thought it Osama bin Laden was there to settle the score?
Did Cheney start screaming, "I 've got that bastard, finally! I nailed Bin Laden " after shooting his friend? Did other members of the hunting party and the secret service have
to disarm the Vice President before he unloaded another round into his friend? We just don't know, because the White House
refuses to give the details.
The incident raises several questions.
What was the Vice President doing spending the weekend with two women, neither of whom
was his wife?
Was Dick was getting some Tail in addition to Quail?
Is Lynn Cheney secretly a Lesbian that no longer can satisfy her man?
Who did the Vice President sleep with that night? Was the lucky lady the
recently divorced Armstrong or the swinging Swiss Ambassador or both?
Was Dick drinking a Bud? Will he get an endorsement contract?
Was the Vice President drunk, again?
Was the announcement of the "accident" delayed until Dick slept it off?
The White House refuses to tell the truth or divulge the any of the sordid details that might clear this questions
up so we will continue to ask until they do!